Chapter 6: Time to share

Hailey has a chance to confide in someone she trusts—if she can find the courage

I feel both relieved and surprised when I see Almira standing in the entry to my parents’ bedroom.

Almira looks surprised too. Her gaze flicks from the large dresser to the bed to the windows and back to me. “Sorry, I didn’t realize this was your parents’—”

“Hailey!”

That one’s Mom and Dad. I quickly but very carefully place everything back the way it was, close the drawer, and hurry to the door, ready to gently push Almira into the hallway but she gets the memo and scurries ahead of me, looking at me for direction before I yank her into my room two doors down.

I pop my head back out, craning to see my parents downstairs. “Uh, yes?”

Dad’s thick mob of pure brown hair appears before the rest of his face as he tilts his head up to see me. “Oh, good—Almira found you?”

“Yes, thank you! We’re just going to hang out for a bit.”

Mom appears next to Dad with a smile on her face. “Have fun!”

I close my door and turn to Almira, who’s very slowly walking around my room, taking in all the paintings on the walls, including artwork I’ve created and framed over the years.

She leans in to examine the corner of my favourite painting. “Is that your signature?”

I fumble with my words and my hands, still trying to figure out what Almira is doing here, at my house, in my room. “Uh, yeah, that’s the lake behind our cottage.”

Now it’s Almira’s voice that is painted—in awe. “Wow, this is beautiful. I wish I could paint.”

I cross the room and stand next to Almira, staring at the cottage that my mom visited every summer since she was a teenager. “Have you tried painting before?”

Almira scrunches up her face. “Yes. Art is more my brother’s thing. As in, Edward.”

I step back and perch on the edge of my bed. “I was going to ask, ‘Which brother?’ but that answers the question.” Almira has four older brothers.

Neither of us says anything to continue the conversation, and as the silence grows, I realize that it doesn’t feel awkward and heavy at all—it feels like peace, the absence of pressure. It feels like a break and I let myself sink into it, feeling my muscles loosening with the same sense of earned security that comes at the end of a yoga class.

“Thank you,” I tell Almira.

She turns around and slowly crosses the room, stopping and sinking into a chair next to my bookshelves. She leans forward to rest her elbow on her knee. “For what?”

I gesture to the door. “For that. You didn’t out me when you, well found me.”

Almira nods, meeting my gaze. “Well, I trust you.”

I feel my jaw quiver and realize I might actually cry. Because, for the first time in a long time, I feel safe enough to let myself crumble in front of someone I know well—someone who’s not Ms. Fortier, the school counsellor—although that doesn’t mean I feel ready to reach the milestones of First Big Share and First Cry in a single hangout.

So I take a deep breath, and decide that I won’t decide which words are coming out of my mouth next. I’ll just see what my subconscious decides.

And when I open my mouth, it spills out. Not like milk that you know is going to make the tablecloth stink in two days. Not like water onto the floor that needs to be cleaned up immediately in case someone slips. No, like the drink my mom poured my dad when she found herself talking to someone who felt like a friend instead of a stranger. I know I needed this, that I wanted to confide in Almira, and the way she’s listening intently, nodding along and saying encouraging things, confirms that.

When I’m done explaining about the anxiety and hypochondria and the guidance counsellor and the doctor and my dad’s side of the family and the journal entry—although not the details of it, as those belong to my parents—I feel like a ten-pound weight has been lifted off my chest, and suddenly I can sit up straight and breathe easier. And that air feels good.

“You know.” Almira cuts herself off, holding out a finger and closing her eyes for a moment. “No, first, thank you for telling me, Hailey. And, second, you are not alone in this.”

This time, when my eyes brim with tears, I let them.

Almira stands up and sinks onto the bed beside me, and suddenly we’re both hugging.

I can’t see Almira’s face because my chin is on her shoulder, but I hear the sincerity in her voice. “I got you.”

I feel more of my worries melt away. “Thank you,” I say, my voice muffled.

Almira and I let go and lie back on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

“Also, a confession.” I hear Almira clear her throat while I stare at the white popcorn ceiling. “That other day at school, when Sandra and I were on our way to selling tickets for the Future is Bright, I saw you come out of the counsellor’s office.”

I knew the sentence would end that way, but I still feel surprised. I turn to look at her. “And you didn’t say anything?”

Almira turns to look at me too. “No—I figured it’s your decision whether to tell or not, and your business is safe with me.”

I take a deep breath and feel the tears leave. This is what it feels like to share with a friend—something I haven’t done in a long, long time.

“Thank you. I needed this.” I flop my head back onto the bed. “And I hope you know your business is safe with me too.”

Almira is quiet for a moment. “Thank you. Because, if there’s room for it, I’d like to share too.”

“Sure.” I sit up and tuck my legs under me.

“Well.” Almira sits up, propping herself up on one elbow. “Today we had a family gathering at our house and I, just, well. I wanted this.” She gestures to my room. “I was in the kitchen listening to two of my brothers talk, and when I said something, no one looked at me. I tried again, same thing. I went to the family room, where my cousins were playing a game with my twin brothers, and it’s like I didn’t exist. I’m just, ugh.” She sits up straight and leans back against my window. “This is what it’s like—even when our cousins aren’t visiting and it’s just the five of us, no one hears me and sometimes—oh, sometimes, they even say something I just said, and it’s really like I don’t exist! And no one seems to care about it.”

“Hey, I care,” I pipe in jokingly, but seriously. “I care that you exist. Seriously.”

Almira smiles. “I know. And, hey, I know they care. It just feels frustrating to keep repeating myself and have no one say anything.” She looks ahead again, her gaze landing on the painting of my grandparents’ cottage. “I just felt tired of it and overwhelmed and I wanted to go somewhere where I feel like someone hears me. I thought okay, not home, not school, and then I thought of you.”

I stare at Almira in awe. “I am honoured.”

Almira gives me a smile and I smile back.

After that, I boot up my laptop and we watch an episode of our favourite show. Then Almira says she should get back home, so we stop by the family room so she can thank Mom and Dad for letting her in and I walk her to the door.

Almira is about to step outside when she stops and holds the door open. “Hey, so, are you coming?”

“Coming where?”

Almira pats her pocket. “To the Future is Bright. I literally have a ticket here for you still, just in case. Sandra and I didn’t give up hoping.”

Ha, Sandra! I doubt she specifically wants me to come—it’s probably more about numbers.

Almira shuffles from one foot to the other. “I would love it if you came too. But, if you don’t, I understand.”

I remember standing in the hallway with Almira and Sandra, wishing I could go but something stopping me. Some of that “something” feels less like a mountain to me now—more like a hill, which feels a lot more manageable. I feel tempted to go. If not just for the fun, then also for the distraction. Talking to Almira has definitely lifted one weight, but the weight of keeping something from my parents—and not knowing what my mom was talking about when she said she couldn’t leave—is still just as heavy as it ever was.

“Okay.” I smile. “How much is that ticket again?”

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